Are you there Kanye? It's me, Kaleigh

I feel I need your guidance now since Jesus is off curing a fatal disease in a mother of four in Detroit. I haven’t talked to you in a while. I’ve been so busy with school and work, but I can really feel myself slipping in some areas of my life.

After all, I saw you proclaimed you were “God’s vessel,” on VH1’s “Storytellers,” while I was up late thinking about the temptations of the day,

Yesterday, Vicki told me she got an “a” on her anatomy paper. I told her good job but then reminded her that that won’t cut it in the real world, nor will it save her from damnation.

She insisted that we should try to spend more time with other people, claiming I was “arrogant, sarcastic and egotistical.” I think it’s because I’m white.

See, that’s what is so hard now a days. No one understands the pain and struggles I go through on a daily basis being me. I sympathize with and admire you.

Like dying on the cross, you have given up any normal life you may have had to bring joy into the hearts of all your fans. I’ve seen it with my own eyes; Women weep at your feet, men raise you up high, and children, wide-eyed and pure, follow you to the ends of the earth.

Mr. West, your humility astounds me. When you said, “I have sacrificed real life to be a celebrity and to give this art to people,” it nearly brought me to tears. What wouldn’t I give to be able to take some of this pain away from you?

These heretics that try to come between you and I to kill The Word don’t understand. Your misery is our pleasure, and as God and Man, there is no other like you.

(Well there is, but he doesn’t have his own Louis Vuitton shoe or $50 million, just a dirty robe and miracle healing powers).

I only hope that my friends, family and the rest of the world realize the fragility of their mortality and the awesome power of your immortality. We need someone like you for guidance. We need you to salvage our tainted souls when the time comes. We need you as the voice of our generation and the thousands more to come.

A true saint and savior, we should all model our lives after you, not those other self-righteous crusaders. Martin Luther King Jr. is to you as Jerry Falwell is to Gandhi.

Life for you must have been much simpler before model chicks were bendin’ over, or dealerships asked you Benz or Rover. As a martyr though, you show true piousness by willingly accepting your fate as a self-important millionaire.

Everyone thinks you were out of line for interrupting Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech at the VMA’s this year. I think they are crazy. Why, it is your duty as the holiest of holies to spread your Gospel.

Beyoncé deserved to win for Best Female Video, not Swift. You only speak the truth. If Beyoncé hadn’t have won for Video of the Year, I would have expected you to smite the two-bit country star.

Some blonde-haired twanging talent can’t stop your big plan for us. How dare she seek to change the course of destiny? You alone are fit for that.

Kanye, you are our only light in this world doomed to racist ex-presidents, a declining music industry and looming nuclear war.

Without you we wouldn’t have fashion. Without you rap music wouldn’t have soul. Without you my Louis Vuitton Don shoes would not exist and I would be shunned from my social circle. Without you we would have no direction and would fall to temptation.

Kanye you make us work harder, better, faster, stronger, and for that I will testify ‘til the day I die.

In your name we pray,

Amen.